Nice try Rj.....but you see....most imp thing in triveni writing is the third line.....

In first two lines you should always try to make sense by portraying similar feelings.....

but in the third line you need to be out of the box...use different metaphors and the relation with the first two lines should not be visible at first
(just like sangam in allahbad....ganga and jamuna are visible but sarasvati is invisible but it exists)....

but still nice try RJ...keep it up!!

I agree with the above comment.. the last line is neither rhyming, nor has much in similarity with the above two lines (let it be not very apparent, but it should be in continuation atleast).. put in a little more thought babes.. :)

hey....have made a triveni of ma own :

रात की चादर में इक गली निकलती है,,,
मेरे घर के आगे से हो कर उसके घर तक जाती है,,
आज पूरी रात हवाओं ने फिर पहरा दिया है,,,,


@mohua
in triveni last line never rhymes nor its similar....the words and metaphors used are totally different from the above two lines....not in sync at all.....the 3rd line should always make you "think"....but ya, it should maintain the spirit of first two lines.